It happens to all of us.

The little voice in our head can be SO critical when we get trapped in the game of comparison.

“I’m not enough…”
“I’m too much…”

Whether we are comparing ourselves to people we see on social media, on TV, our neighbor down the street, or even comparing to our former selves – these thoughts tend to be more critical than not.

Comparisons can take a significant toll on our self-esteem. And when we feel low about ourselves, we tend to feel low about the world around us.

However–just because we’ve all been there does not mean we have to stay there!

mixing new traditions with old ones

How to break away from the comparison game:

Limit time spent with people who overvalue physical appearance and social status.

Suppose you find that you feel drained, low, and empty after interacting with certain people. In that case, two questions to ask yourself are: What value does physical appearance and status hold for them? Does that align with my values?

Focus on functional identity vs. appearance identity

Acknowledging how your body has helped and protected you and what your body allows you to experience each day can be very impactful. For instance, ask yourself, “What does my BODY do for me?” rather than “What can I do for (or to) it?”

List qualities of people you admire that have nothing to do with their physical appearance.

Think of someone who you look up to, admire, or respect. What words would you use to describe them that do not relate to physical appearance?

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.

In the therapy world, we call this the Empty Chair Method. Picture your friend in your shoes. How would you speak to them? What would you tell them to do? Now try saying those things to yourself.

Understand that your worth is not tied to a number such as body weight, caloric intake, etc.

If this was something that was taught or modeled to you throughout life, it is time to challenge that belief. Ask yourself: Where is the evidence that your “goal number” will bring you joy? Where is the evidence that this is the only way in which you can achieve happiness? Continue to challenge, question, and replace those internal negative thoughts with more positive, realistic ones.

Remember that people only show their “highlight reel” on social media, which severely filters what is shown.

Very few people run to grab their cameras when they are crying or yelling. Not many people would choose to share that vulnerability with the world. However, we are quick to capture happy, peaceful, joyous moments on camera. We are even faster to want to show those moments off to the universe. Remember that the next time you are comparing yourself to something you see on a curated social media app. You are seeing just a portion of the full picture.

“. . .You are like no other being ever created since the beginning of Time, You are incomparable. ”

–Brenda Ueland

Like to learn more? Ready to start (or continue growing in) the journey of improving your self-esteem & body image? Please do not hesitate to reach out and ask for help.

Jessica Judd
Jessica Judd, MS
Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Jessica sees clients aged 13+ and specializes in such areas as maternal mental health, trauma, depression, mood disorders, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

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